When I think of you, my heart aches.

It hurts to think of the youth you have lost;
the independence taken away from you.

It hurts to think of how abandoned you must have felt,
to want to live this world desperately.

I remember climbing onto your lap when I was a little girl,
watching scary movies with you and hiding behind your legs.

I wished I had spent more time with you.

I wished I showed you more love.

When you were gone,
I told everyone that we are ok;
We saw it coming.

I didn’t cry.

But I now know – the guilt and sense of loss were just buried deep enough.

You have never left.

I wish I could hug you and tell you how much I love you.

I’m sorry papa.

Sometimes you just know…

it’s like a sixth sense, you just know this is the ONE.

But today, the one I’m referring to is not a person. It’s my job.

End of 2020, I accepted an adventure into something that I have never thought I would attempt. But strangely enough, the day I signed my letter and was waiting for my day 1 to start – it felt ‘right’. I told a dear friend of mine that “I feel like I’ll be in this place for a long time”.

And it’s not so much of stability.

I value my freedom a lot, especially as I become more aware of who I am as a person and what I need to thrive. But this place… it seems the stars have aligned and it’s just the right mix and balance of what makes me productive, challenged, and growing every day – all while maintaining my freedom.

It has been 7 months in and I am still waiting for my rose-tinted glasses to come off, but it hasn’t.

On Parenting

This post is inspired by this.

I try to see things through his eyes — to put myself into his mind. When he gets upset, I try to remember what it was like to be his age and relate at that level.

Derek Sivers

When I was a young girl crying, one vivid thought I had was, “Have you not been young before? Were you not my age before? Don’t you understand how much this means to me?”

If I ever have children one day, I hope I will be able to remember how that feels and have the patience to relate to him/her at that level.

curated reminders

Important reminders on the wall.

  1. OriginalsOnly.Co – what is life without an exciting journey
  2. You have everything you need inside you. You just need to clear away the garbage so that the loving, compassionate genius in you can shine its beautiful light.
  3. GON KIFA: Who’s your superhero
  4. My last day on earth: Remembering my core values
  5. The beautiful handwritten note from XY who made me feel less alone with The White Book

Note: #3 and #4 were insights from workshops conducted by the LITO Academy.

twenty twenty one

I was pretty frustrated at my previous theme, it felt too polished. Every word I typed ended up being deleted because the bar felt too high and I didn’t want to edit my words.

And come today, when I felt the urge to write again – and googled for brutalist blogs, those blogs looked so ‘right’! I especially liked those that were quite raw yet digital yet minimal.

I decided to change my theme.

AND I found this as one of wordpress’ default themes! Perfect.

Such a highlight of my day. (: