When I think of you, my heart aches.

It hurts to think of the youth you have lost;
the independence taken away from you.

It hurts to think of how abandoned you must have felt,
to want to live this world desperately.

I remember climbing onto your lap when I was a little girl,
watching scary movies with you and hiding behind your legs.

I wished I had spent more time with you.

I wished I showed you more love.

When you were gone,
I told everyone that we are ok;
We saw it coming.

I didn’t cry.

But I now know – the guilt and sense of loss were just buried deep enough.

You have never left.

I wish I could hug you and tell you how much I love you.

I’m sorry papa.